Finding Your Sweetheart Online

Tips and Strategies for Avoiding Scammers

Cebuanas.com is a good site (there are others) for connecting with women in the Philippines. I know cause that’s how I met Maricarl. However, being a third world country there's not many good economic choices. I'm afraid that people like you and me can be seen as a viable and lucrative opportunity. You have to be very cautious. I chatted with numerous gals who after about a week asked for money for some "emergency." In general, no self-respecting, well raised Filipina would ask for money and it's best to have a simple rule:

Never send money to anyone before meeting them. Cebuanas.com asks that you report any girl that asks. After a period of chatting you might be sorely tempted. That being said, I broke that rule and sent money to Maricarl before we met. My excuse is that we had been video/voice chatting daily for about 2 months and I initiated the discussion about money. It amounted to about $100 to travel to another city, stay over night and apply for a passport the next morning. She was so stunned that I would make that offer that she started to cry.

To get a sense of the economics here, the average middle class family income is about $400 per month. This fact is reflected in the cost of most products and services. For example, I took Maricarl to the dentist (her first time) and she got her teeth cleaned, one cavity filled AND a root canal... peso equivalent of $70. Doctor visits are in the $3 to $5 range. A man I met got a complete physical exam work-up. The package deal included a 3 day stay in the largest, most modern hospital in Manila with every conceivable test including MRI's. 4 specialists administered the tests and read the results with an additional doctor acting as the coordinator: $500 (including the hospital stay!). The tuition for a semester at Silliman University (a fine school where a lot of people come from other countries to attend) in Dumaguete is a little over $700. I mention these things so you will be alert to requests that within your frame of reference may seem reasonable if one should come. A gal I had chatted with for a couple weeks told me she needed Php16,000 (around $350) to take the final exam at her nursing school. She was very convincing. She said her mother spent the money budgeted for it on her cousin who was in the hospital. I told her I'd think about it and immediately emailed the school and asked if such a thing was possible. Nope. The final exam cost was included in the tuition. I bet she never told anyone the name of the school again. Which is not to say that she was actually enrolled, I don't know. The "death" of both parents should raise a red flag as it sets up asking for dough because she "has no one else to turn to." However, Maricarl's parents did both die when she was an adolescent (which made me suspicious and nearly caused me to stop chatting with her).

Getting a tourist visa to the States is sort of the holy grail of visas here. The American Consulate requires many things that an average Filipino doesn't have, like a long standing bank account with a strong deposit history, to own a business and some property. Anything that will help insure that the person has real motivation to return here. Maricarl's cousin has been denied 2 times to attend a family member's wedding. She and her father own a house with a small retail space and a small internet cafe and she was in the last semester of nursing school. I mention this so if someone tells you they can get a visa to come visit you, well, they are either grossly misinformed or setting up a scam to get you to pay for things like "the agency" that will assist her with the visa and ultimately airfare (usually with the same "agency").

The Cebuanas site has a rating system of 1 to 5 stars. Non-paying female members begin with 3 stars. Paying members 4. If there is any questionable stuff or complaints about the girl the admin will downgrade to 1 or 2. If they get caught asking for money they will be downgraded or may be booted if the admin is certain that it's true. Generally, the scammers have multiple accounts and won't pay a membership fee so the 4 and 5 star women are a safer bet but don't rule out the 3 star gals, just be careful. I would avoid the 1 and 2 stars.

If you don't have a web-cam and microphone headset you may want to consider it. Video chatting weeds out the ones that aren't the person pictured in their profile, such as the men pretending to be women (except the gay men who will video chat and can look surprisingly feminine). If they tell you they have no web-cam and can't, be suspicious... there are countless internet cafes and for about a quarter (10 pesos) anyone can get on a computer with a cam for 30 minutes or more. Not very many people here have their own computer (why cafes are so prevalent) and if they tell you they do but can't afford a cam, well it's probably bogus. "It's my cousins computer" is popular, but if cousin can afford a computer and the P1000 ($22) a month for internet access then you can be sure they would have a cam. However, if she's poor, don't expect too much as that same quarter will buy a couple pounds of rice (or several cafe visits to write emails).

The absolutely gorgeous, too good to be true gals are usually photos of Filipino models or up and coming movie actresses. How would we know? You know the look... perfect and light/white skin, coiffed hair, snazzy clothes, professional looking pix, etc. Filipinos as a rule think brown skin is unattractive and go to great lengths to be as white as they can. 95% of the models and actors/actresses are mestizo- half Filipino and half American, European and sometimes Chinese. Really, it's like a national complex and truly a shame that they can't see how beautiful and rich the variety of common skin tones are. Although, it sort of works to our advantage in that very beautiful brown skinned women think that at best they are average looking. They don't have the "I'm so pretty and sexy I should get whatever I want" mindset that I have often found with very attractive women in America. Furthermore, average looking guys like me are very attractive to the women here (the bigger the nose, the better, lol). Maricarl is an example of a beautiful woman (in my opinion) that feels very average. 

Anyway, Cebuanas.com is focused primarily on gals in and around Cebu and the Visayas. This includes the island province of Mindanao which has some areas that aren't safe for foreigners to travel to. Maricarl is from just such a place so I arranged for her (and her family) to take a ferry to Cebu City for us to meet (I did end up going to Mindanao for about a week). Cebu City is as safe as any large American city and safer than some to be sure. Another nice thing about the Cebuanas website is that you can arrange to have flowers delivered to the gal and she will need to pick them up at the office and they will check her out for you. As a paying member, you can also email them for an opinion on any of the women listed on the site. I did this and was given good info but no guarantees.

Now that I've scared you into wondering if it's a good idea at all... here's the upside: The culture here is unique and refreshing. The women pride themselves on caring for their man and they have a super strong commitment to family in general. To me, introducing Maricarl to new things has been a lot of fun. At 26, not only had she never gone to a dentist but she had never taken a hot shower (or been someplace that had hot water). Homes with hot water represents only 2% of all homes. Her first reaction was a scream but by the third day at the hotel she was luxuriating in a hot bathtub. I went out to do some shopping and when I returned 2 hours later, she was still in the tub (napping) with the hot water trickling to keep it up to temp, lol. 

The women do things for their men... I have yet to peel my own shrimp (which are great here), make my coffee, wash a dish or clear the table (she wouldn't like it), do any laundry, make the bed or any other household task. It's nice that I can actually make a real difference in her and her son's life whom I have also come to love. He will start at Silliman's elementary school in June and has his first bike. 

Their personal history is a sad one but she has somehow managed to have a loving rather than a resentful nature and a sense of humor. She is truly grateful for the smallest kindness and really appreciates what I have been able to do for them but doesn't let that interfere with the heart of our relationship. In that regard she is a remarkable person. Maricarl is also very hardheaded compared with the average shy Filipina. She is a true equal in our relationship and I wouldn't have it otherwise but in any given moment I may not like it, lol.  

As I think I mentioned, kindness is valued (and not considered a weakness), as is friendliness and friendship. Considering that people have so little, they are incredibly generous. In general, I have to say that people here are happier than the people in America. Sort of an affirmation that money isn't the key to happiness. Although, having it is pretty handy for sure, lol. People sing all the time (no kidding), laugh easily and don't need much of an excuse to have a party.