Superstition: Lola said

I am often amazed at what intelligent people can wholeheartedly believe without ever considering that it could simply be untrue. In fact, without giving the slightest thought to how illogical it might be. To have an attitude of: I believe it because I always have and besides, my Lola (Grandmother) told me. Who can argue with that? The source of the many superstitions in the Philippines: Lola. May she rest in peace.

 

Don’t cut your nails at night. “Why not?” Because it’s bad luck. “Oh.”

 

Don’t whistle at night and definitely not at the dinner table. In fact, better to not whistle at all but if you must, only during the day. “Bad luck?” Of course.

 

Don’t sigh at the dinner table. “Let me guess… bad luck?” Yes.

 

There are so many of these that the uninitiated could easily and unknowingly violate many in a single day. It’s a wonder so many of us survived beyond our 30th birthday. If these are new to you, blame your Lola.

 

OMG. What are you doing? Don’t kill the ants in the house, they bring good luck. “But there’s a lot of them.” Well, they’re my pets. “Pets? All of them? Even the really tiny ones that are such a nuisance?” You can kill the really tiny ones but not the larger black ones. The red ones can also be killed, they bite. But the black ones are my pets.

 

Whenever Maricarl informs me of some potential peril I am risking for myself and my family, I do sort of an informal poll to see how widespread the notion is. My first stop is Leleth, our live-in housekeeper and yaya (nanny) for our son. I turn to her and ask, “Have you heard of this? Do you think that killing ants will bring bad luck?” Without exception, she has smiled shyly and nodded her head. Then, I check with some outside (possibly more objective) sources and either get confirmation or at least an acknowledgement that the belief exists. Oh yeah, my Mom believes that, with a quick (maybe too quick) denial of subscribing to that particular one themselves. My poll takers aren't what are referred to as "from the mountains." For the most part they are business people and college educated.

 

I even Googled: cutting nails at night. I wasn’t sure I would find anything (and I hoped I wouldn’t). I was shocked. There are 591,000 listings, addressing this urgent matter. Try it if you don’t believe me. You know what I discovered, not only is it bad luck to cut one’s fingernails at night but there are varying ideas of what days of the week you should avoid even during daylight hours. Some think Saturday and some are sure it’s Tuesday. It seems fairly common knowledge that it’s definitely not OK on your birthday. Who knew?

 

Then there’s the dreaded Wedding Curse (Sokub). This is a widely held belief that two siblings shouldn’t get married in the same calendar year. If they do, some evil will come to one or the other of them. It’s a little vague what exactly will happen but lots of people here know that something bad will indeed happen. Lola told them.

 

Sokub actually had a direct impact on me (even more then needing to sneak around to cut my nails, shh). My wife’s brother Rey, got married in January 2008. When Maricarl and I decided to get married, she told me of the curse but assured me that she didn’t believe it. I ended up on the phone with Rey. The problem was that his wife’s mother did believe. I asked him if he also believed in Sokub. Rey is a great guy and a hard working engineer. His response: “Of course not… but why take a chance?” I became a believer that very instant. I knew that if Rey and Rachel should have any trouble or discord (what married couple doesn’t) that I could easily be blamed. What a curse it would be to risk a lifetime of hard feelings with my soon to be brother-in-law. You know: why take a chance? We got married in February, 2009.

 

I’m going to go out on a limb here and try to use rational thought to pinpoint the origins of some of these. For instance, maybe the sighing at the dinner table is related to the food/poverty thing. Sighing could be perceived as being disinterested or bored. Those sorts of expressions might be offensive to God. The logical way to handle it: “Why take a chance,” even if you really are thankful for the meal and just tired. You definitely don’t want Him thinking you don’t appreciate the bounty that He has provided. He may not be as generous in the future.

 

My theory regarding the ants, in a round about way may also be from the food/poverty issues that so many here have lived. In order to have ants in your house, you also need to have food or at least have had some food in the recent past. It’s a poor country. Having food is definitely lucky.

 

Even in my most creative moments I have not been able to figure out any logical reason why cutting your fingernails at certain times could possibly matter. I’ll keep working on it and let you know what I come up.

 

As for the wedding curse, it seems pretty likely that the Lola of some poor family flat out made it up. She wisely wanted to spread the expense of two weddings out over two years instead of one. Brilliant. 

 

I have saved what I think is the most bizarre for last.  A couple months ago our 6 year old got a small fish bone stuck in his throat. He wasn’t choking or anything that seemed life threatening but was pretty uncomfortable and crying. It was too far down his throat to be retrieved so (right or not, I don’t know) we had him drink some water and then eat part of a banana to push it down the rest of the way. I thought we probably succeeded but his throat was so irritated that it felt like it was still stuck. Clint was still crying and trying to dislodge it by coughing vigorously and there were tiny specks of blood as a result. It was verging on chaos as we tried to think of what to do next.

 

My wife urgently says something to Leleth in Visayan. My Visayan is marginal anyway and she spoke so fast I didn’t catch any of it. Leleth understands and goes out the front door and a minute later returns with our neighbor’s cat. Of course I have no clue what’s going on or what possible reason the cat was brought into the mix. Truthfully, my mental faculties became suspended and everything seemed to happen in slow motion as I watched in awe. The women work in unison, both knowing what to do. Maricarl is tilting Clint’s head back and Leleth has a tight grip on the cat and is extending a front leg and using the paw to massage the boy’s throat.  That's when I realized what they were up to and snapped out of my zen-like moment... “Are you kidding me! Get that cat out of here!”

 

Clint went to sleep a little uncomfortable but too weary from the trauma of the experience to care. He woke up the next morning feeling fine. No one has mentioned the cat (who no doubt was also traumatized). But I can’t help but wonder if the women secretly think that their expert use of the old tried and true cat trick saved the day. After all, Lola said.

Kano

Filipinos generally refer to everyone with white skin as a “Kano” or “Americano.” It would not be unusual to hear something like this, “I met an Americano. He’s from Germany.” It isn’t meant to be derogatory. Even so, I don’t particularly like being lumped into such a large group that I often have nothing to do with and certainly no control over. The fact is, many tourists and expats treat the local people with a lack of respect or an arrogance that I find embarrassing. As if their pocket full of pesos is proof that they are superior. My take on this is that the only reason they have those pesos is pretty much an accident of birth. While accumulating money is no easy task no matter where you’re from, it is hugely more difficult here then any 1^st world country.

 

Foreigners sometimes misinterpret the uniquely Filipino English grammar as a sign of a lack of intelligence or emotional immaturity. What they fail to realize is that the “simple” person they’re talking to can communicate in at least two and usually 3 or even more languages. Everyone can speak Tagalog, the national language, English (the 2^nd national language) is common as well as whatever dialect is spoken in the province they are from. A pedicab driver I met was fluent in five languages.

 

There are no gender specific pronouns in any of the Filipino languages. Consequently, he/she and him/her are often a challenge. “Siya” is both he and she and you can only differentiate by context. When it comes to English, it seems that they’re guessing, banking on the 50/50 odds of being right. Sometimes they will hedge their bets by referring to the same person first as one and then the other, e.g., “He went to the store and then she came home.” After my first couple of months here I came to terms with this and stopped assuming the gender based on which pronoun someone chose.

 

Anyway, because foreigners are often hambogiro (boastful) and bastos (rude), most people I meet are a little guarded at first. I’m pretty outgoing and friendly and I am always practicing my Visayan. People immediately drop their guard and become warm and friendly as soon as they see that I’m not going to be a jerk. Considering it would be far faster for me to just speak English, people are very tolerant. Everyone seems to really appreciate that I’m trying to learn the language and even strangers are forever taking the time to teach me new words.

 

I guess my point is to not judge people based on your cultural bias. Jobs are at such a premium here that employers can set fairly high job qualifications. The waiter or store clerk that is helping you (and earning $4 to $5 a day for a 12 hour shift) is almost certainly a college graduate, conceivably in engineering or computer technologies. So, if you happen to come here, treat people with respect or at least with common courtesy. It will take you much farther and you will probably make some friends who will have a depth that you might not have imagined. And if you move here, I highly recommend learning the language. It will convey a certain measure of respect for the culture. Besides it’s the only way to be in on all the good jokes.